I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
