He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
