Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
