She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
