K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just forgot I was standing up.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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