I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
