I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
