you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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