It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
