Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
