if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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