She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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