i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
