my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
