are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
