i don't like sucking hair
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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