Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
