i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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