I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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