I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And then he peed in my hair
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