Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am mentally ready for anal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
