yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
