I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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