he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
