he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
