Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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