I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
