ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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