I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
