I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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