ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
