went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
