Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
