just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
