ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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