I've blown a few things in my day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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