At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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