Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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