I think i sorta joined a cult last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
