apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
