My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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