we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize