I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
