If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
