Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The Olympian is in my bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
