Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
