if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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