I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
