Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
