oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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