He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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