Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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