I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
