A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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