Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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