words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
