sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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