She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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