fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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