Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
