I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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