my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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