i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
