hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Houston, we have a blender
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
