girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
