another moral hangover. fuck.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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