haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
