i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
