I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
