I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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