69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
