shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
