I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
